There's More Than One Reason to Have Sex

When I ask people why they have sex, most often they say, “Because it feels
good.” However, if you really think about it, there are dozens of reasons why
people have sex: Different people, in different relationships, in different
situations, and different stages of life all have sex for different reasons. Following
is a list (in no particular order) of some reasons why people have sex. By putting
an X next to those that apply to you, use this as a worksheet to help yourself
decide which are good reasons for you to have sex and which are bad reasons.

Why Should You Have Sex?

1. Because You Are in Love
2. Because It's Part of Your Commitment
3. To Get Pregnant
4. Because You Feel Lust
5. To Feel Younger
6. To Feel More Mature
7. To Make Your Partner Feel Desired
8. To Put on a Show for the Neighbors
9. To Have an Orgasm
10. To Relieve Tension
11. To Help Fall Asleep
12. To Make Someone Jealous
13. To Please Someone
14. To Cheat
15. To Feel Sexy
16. To Procrastinate
17. To Make Up After a Fight
18. For Experience
19. To Feel Powerful
20. To Get Over Boredom

21. To Try New Positions
22. Because You Are in an
23. Interesting Location
24. For Money
25. Because You Have a Big Crush
26. To Get Over a Big Crush on Someone Else
27. To Talk About It Later
28. For Physical Pleasure

Sex will be truly amazing if you have sex for the reasons that make you feel fulfilled. Some people have sex for reasons that are wrong for them, before they realize that sex is better when they do it for the right reasons. If you give some serious thought to what makes sex the best for you, and stick to a
goal of trying to have sex under those conditions, you'll be happier with your sex life.

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Young or Old: Does It Make a Difference?

People are sexual beings from birth to death. Throughout life, people are sexually
expressive, even if they are not sexually active. Children “play doctor” to explore
sexuality, or masturbate for a sexual release. Teens experiment with “heavy
petting” and sometimes with intercourse.
Many adults believe that young people shouldn't be having sex, even though
many of them experimented during their own teenage years. In fact, although
some parents today had sex in their teen years, they still tell their children to wait
until they are over 18 or married.
So when is the right time for people to start having sex? I believe that people are
too young to have sex if they can't deal with the physical and emotional
consequences of sex. But that's all very individual. There are some 16-year-olds
who can deal with having sex, and, on the other hand, there are some 30-year-olds who still can't. The best time to start having sex is when:
• you feel ready and you're confident sex is the right thing for you.
• you will use birth control and condoms responsibly every time you have sex.
• you would be able to know what to do if an unintended pregnancy or sexually
transmitted disease did occur.
• you can evaluate your partner to see if you are compatible.
• you will be able to cope with your emotions, knowing if you need to be in love
to have sex, and able to accept it if your partner loves you forever, or if your
partner hits the road immediately after orgasm.
Maybe you think that teens and twentysomethings have tons of sex because they
are so young, virile, and sexually charged. However, that assumption is not
always true. Many young people are singles, so they don't have anyone to have
sex with.
The good news about growing up is that you also grow up sexually. More men
last longer and more women enjoy orgasms as they get older. The more you have
sex, the more you learn about sex, and the more amazing your sex becomes.
Getting older and wiser has its benefits in bed too!
The biggest factors that affect the frequency of sex in your life have to do with the
changes in your life. As a teen, you probably still lived at home, with little
privacy for sexual encounters. Even after you started living on your own, dorm
rooms or shared apartments also made it difficult for those oh-so-intimate
moments. Adults usually have the most time and privacy for sex. Yet as you
become more established in life (for example, as part of a two-career couple with
children) you may often be too busy or too tired to find time for sex. Therefore,
throughout your life, your sex life will constantly be changing. Young or old, you
can have amazing sex, as long as you have the willing partner, the time, the place,
and the ability.

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Married or Single: Does It Make a Difference?

I've heard married people say that they'd love to be single again, to have sex
whenever and with whomever they desire. But in reality, those married people are
probably having more sex than their single counterparts. Unless they're in a
committed relationship, single people have less sex than married people do. The
simple reason for this is that married people have access to a sex partner, while
singles do not. In a recent survey of single 30-year-olds, 19 percent said that they
had not had sex in over a year. Here's how many married women in their 30s are
having sex during 1 year:

How Busy Is the Married Woman's Sex Life?

The key to having sex as much, or as little, as you want is finding a partner who
wants the same amount as you do. A marriage certificate or the fact that you share
a bed with someone doesn't guarantee that you'll be satisfied with your sex life.
You may be single, living with your lover, or dating so that you see each other
every day and having as much sex as you want to be having. But generally,
married couples do have sex more than single people.

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Is Everyone Doing It?

Do you ever wonder how your sexual activity compares with others? Do you ever
worry that you're having too much sex? Or do you ever feel like you're just not
getting enough sex? Married, divorced, single, young, and old, is everybody
having sex all the time? It's easy to wonder how many other people are having
sex, because most of the time people don't just come out and tell you their sexual
histories.
The fact is, though, that it is difficult to determine how many times people have
had sex, because most people don't keep an exact count, at least after a few years
of having sex. Although you may know how many partners you've had, that
number doesn't necessarily add up to the amount of sex you've had. If you had
one steady partner for 5 years and you had sex on your first date and every day
after that, then you had sex 1,825 times in 5 years. If you had 50 partners over the
course of 5 years, but they were all one night stands, then you only had sex 50
times in 5 years. So if you want to determine how much sex you've had in your
life, try to count the number of total times, not partners.
I am often asked if a person can have too much sex or too little sex. Some people
like to hear about the average sexual frequency of others, because if they match
those numbers, it makes them feel normal. However, there is no such thing as normal or average when it comes to frequency of sex. You can never have too little sex, unless you want to have more. If, for example, a husband and wife only want to have sex once a year, and that's totally fine with both of them, then that's the
amount of sex that they should have. Whatever amount makes you and your
partner happy is the right amount, no matter how infrequent.
On the other hand, if you enjoy having sex often, that's fine, if you can find a
partner who wants the same amount as you. The only way you can have too much
sex is if it is interfering with your life. If you have to quit your job, you never
have time to talk to your family or friends, and you can't function normally
because you feel that you must have sex all the time, then you're having too much
sex. Some people who are this extreme are said to be sexually compulsive, and
they should be treated by a sex therapist for this problem. Otherwise, there is
nothing wrong with having a lot of sex. If you have the time and a willing partner,
go for it!
If you're not having as much sex as you want to be having, it can be frustrating. If
you have a partner who does not like to have sex as often as you do, then you two
need to work out a happy compromise. If you are not having as much sex as you
would like because you're single, don't despair—there are plenty of potential
partners who are in the same situation, and someday you will find each other.

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