"Stay away from what might have been and look at what will be." -Marsha Petrie Sue
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When I look back at some of the most painful moments of my life, I see myself sitting alone feeling either immense shame or regret.
It's bizarre how we can get so offended and angry when other people hurt us and yet repeatedly choose to torture ourselves—far worse than they possibly could—through repeated mental rehashing.
For the longest time, my biggest regret revolved around missing out on life. From a distance, people always thought I had everything going for me. Up close, you could see the cracks in that facade: no matter what I got, I was painfully discontent and depressed, and often isolated in fear.
I remember my last night in NYC at 25, sitting in a tiny boxed-up efficiency studio apartment that I rented in a low-income building. I'd been in the apple for two-and-a-half years, and my greatest accomplishments were barely noticeable to anyone but myself.
Granted, they were big ones: I'd quit smoking, formed a yoga practice, and began the slow uphill climb to liking who I was.
But the list of what I didn't do often felt far more compelling: I didn't form many real friendships, I never had a story book NYC romance like I dreamed about, and I never even once auditioned for a play after growing up on the stage.
I went to NYC to convince the world I was strong, then broke into a million little pieces and, in stubborn resistance to "giving up," spent two years trying to glue myself back together.
For a long time, I regretted that I went to the city where dreams come true and did absolutely nothing to go after mine. Then I realized something: I was not that girl anymore, and in another second, I would again be someone new.
At any moment I could let go of the weight of who I'd been and allow myself a better chance of becoming who I wanted to be.
What I did or didn't do could either paralyze me further or motivate me to do something now—something not conceived in reaction to past disappointments, but something born completely anew from a moment of strength and empowerment.
We can all do that. At any time, you can take your regrets and:
1. Identify and address your weaknesses.
2. Use your mistake as a teaching tool.
3. Use the opportunity to become better at adapting.
4. Strengthen your ability to focus on things you can control.
5. Embrace impermanence.
6. Evaluate your relationships.
7. Get better at accepting blame.
8. Challenge your thinking.
Copyright. OZB.
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