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There indeed exists some attitudes of ours that, as a matter of fact borne out of surveys, eventually undermine the initiations of relationships as well as it’s sustainability. Below I discuss five of them, I shall discuss the remaining five in subsequent posts. Happy reading.
1. Game playing:
This strategy is usually employed for one of two reasons. The first is to protect one's ego. When it comes to dating, everyone, on some level,
fears rejection. Playing it cool and not getting too involved may make you feel safe, but you risk coming across as aloof or remote, and may
turn the other person off. Balance between demonstrating interest and maintaining your composure is best. Another reason people play
games is to get something you want that you wouldn't likely get if you played it straight. For example, telling someone you love him or her so
they will sleep with you, and then not calling them again. This form of manipulation is simply unacceptable (to put it mildly), and does not
lead to healthy relationships. You will get further in less time in finding a relationship if you allow yourself to be genuine. It's OK to put your
best foot forward, and also to be a bit cautious, but have the courage to be upfront and show who you are.
2. Talking too much about your ex:
While this information will eventually be shared at least to some extent, it shouldn't be discussed in detail during the initial phase of a
relationship. You want to get to know the person and each have a chance for a fresh start. Carrying old baggage into a new relationship
amounts to clutter. If you have baggage, then best to work it out in individual therapy before pursuing a new relationship, at least to a point
where it isn't affecting your reactions and clouding your judgment.
2. Fantasizing about the future:
While men are typically (not always) the masters of game playing, women have this one down pat. When you catch yourself trying on his last
name before the third date, it's time to remind yourself to slow down. In the first 3-6 months of a relationship, you are likely running on
oxytocin, which is a chemical found in chocolate. It creates the sense of well-being and euphoria that comes with “falling in love.” This might
as well be dubbed the period of temporary insanity, because you are not in command of all your faculties; your brain is hijacked by those
lovely chemicals, interfering with your ability to think clearly. Until you have time to really get to know someone, and see him or her in a wide
range of situations, it is helpful to not get ahead of yourself; don't strongly attach to some illusion that you have created about the person.
This can lead to pitfalls of setting up unrealistic expectations and subsequent disillusionment, or depression if the relationship doesn't work
out.
3. Obsessing over details:
This one is common with those who worry. The worry may be a general habit, but now it is turned on the subject of the relationship: worry
about what the other person said, worry about what they meant by it, worry about how you reacted, worry about the relationship not working
out, worry about what if it does work out, how will your parents react…on and on. Being anxious is a mood killer, and will not make you
attractive to a potential mate. But don't go worrying about that! Try to tap into your self-confidence and trust that if the relationship is meant
to work out, it will.
4. Ignoring red flags:
If someone doesn't show up when you’re supposed to meet, that's a red flag. If they don’t let you call them at home, yep, red flag. If they
kick their dog, bingo, red flag. Of course, there are more subtle warnings that one may be tempted to overlook, especially if one is eager for
the relationship to work out. While one shouldn't jump to conclusions without sufficient evidence on the first problem that arises, an emerging
pattern is not something to make excuses for or brush under the rug. Address these problems early, and don't waste your time.
Watch out for the concluding post. Let me know your take on the above discussed, you can email me at Boodogay@gmail.com or comment on my Facebook wall. I wish you all successful relationships. Remain blessed.
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